Dating an abstinent
Dating an abstinent - Pisschat at
Of course this doesn't happen 100% of the time, but it is far more prevalent than it should be.The "S-word" (sex) is completely taboo in many, many Christian circles.
I'm not saying that pastors should start preaching this stuff from the pulpit.
Growing up in a Christian home, I was raised to view my virginity as almost as important as my salvation. It would be hard, but if I didn't, I'd regret it for the rest of my life (or so I was told).
It was my most precious possession, to be guarded at all costs — and the loss of it before marital bliss was possibly the most shameful thing that could possibly have happened to me. It's difficult to understand if you didn't grow up in the church, but the focus on purity before marriage is pervasive in many Christian circles that I didn't even question it. When I was 15, I signed the pledge to wait to have sex until marriage.
Kids are told to avoid it until they're married, and that's very often the end of the conversation.
What if we started speaking as frankly about sex as our secular counterparts do?
Despite my repeated and direct questions about what to expect on the wedding night, the best advice I got from my trusted friends, family, and even doctors was always along the lines of "It'll all work out," or "Don't worry, you'll figure it out," or my personal favorite, "Sex within marriage is great!
" Let's just say...things didn't work out as planned. I was diagnosed with Vaginismus shortly after returning from the honeymoon (and after a week of tears and pain and frustration).
If Christians truly believe that sex is a gift from God to married couples, it's time they started talking about this gift in more than hushed tones and cryptic euphemisms.
If I had to do it again, I still would have waited.
There is a time and a place for everything, and I don't think all of these nitty gritty details are appropriate there.
But they appropriate to discuss in Christian circles — with mentors, in discipleship groups, or with trusted friends.
This meant I had involuntary contractions of the pelvic muscles that made sex extremely painful or even impossible.